As someone who is not particularly athletically gifted, I know a thing or two about losing. After years of failing to make significant improvement in countless sports, from golf to basketball to skiing to couch surfing, I’ve concluded that my primary function in most friendly competitions is to make my opponent feel much better about their own athletic prowess by comparison. I’m very good at this.
Now, I’m not one to brag, but I’m every bit as gifted at pickleball as I am at water polo (just as soon as I overcome my fear of water). So, if you’re like me and wondering whether you might not have the aptitude to master the game of pickleball, here are four warning signs that it may be time to consider another sport, say, poker.
Sign #1: You have difficulty hitting the ball over the net… or keeping it in bounds… or making contact with the ball on your serve… or knowing which end of the paddle to hold. If any of these apply to you, might I suggest you find a new sport. I hear lawn bowling isn’t too taxing and doesn’t require a paddle of any kind.
Sign #2: You’ve been playing pickleball for several years and you still can’t figure out how the scoring works. While it’s true that it can take time to get the basics of scoring down, if you’re still asking yourself “am I a 1 or a 2 or a 3?” or wondering which side of the net you're supposed to be on, it might be time to hang up your spurs, I mean, paddle. Your soon-to-be-former doubles partners will thank you.
Sign #3: You have a phobia about being hit by the ball. If you get paralyzed with fear at the thought of your opponent smashing a plastic ball down your throat as they launch a missile attack from just behind the kitchen line, maybe this sport is a little too high octane for your more mild-mannered temperament. Perhaps consider shuffleboard. I hear people almost never get struck by an errant flying puck in that sport.
Sign #4: When teams are picked for doubles play, you’re always chosen last. If this sounds like you, this doesn’t necessarily mean they think you suck at pickleball (although, from what I know about your game, that does sound like a logical conclusion). There could be another simple explanation why nobody ever wants to pick you to be their partner. For example, maybe you’re just a terrible person who is cruel to kittens and has terrible penmanship.
If any of the above describes you, it might be time to try a new sport. Might I suggest T-ball? But if that’s still too athletically daunting and physically taxing, maybe start with something a little less demanding, like power napping.
– Tim Jones [Check out more of Tim’s View from the Bleachers humor column in the Crab Cracker, at www.ViewFromTheBleachers.net and his YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/viewfromthebleachers]
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